


Crikey

by chroniclackofselfpreservation



Series: COTN Extras [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: COTN, Demon!Deceit, That's right, What am I doing, creatures of the night, crikey, don't talk to me about logistics of this being oklahoma, finds dorian in the woods, it came to me in a fever dream, no i don't take critisism, slimy boi, snek - Freeform, steve irwin - Freeform, theres no other explanation that makes sense, what kind of second-hand drugs did i inhale to come up with this cursed fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:13:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22766809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chroniclackofselfpreservation/pseuds/chroniclackofselfpreservation
Summary: A rather peculiar mortal stumbles upon Dorian...
Series: COTN Extras [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1636867
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	Crikey

**Author's Note:**

> no, I'm not sorry. This was tormenting me and it wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it. Still debating whether I'm actually going to post this or not. Just... enjoy the fruits of my random thoughts. yes, I know it's ridiculous, but holy crap I just had to you don't understand. I stopped several times in the middle of writing and just... laughed hysterically at myself. What is wrong with me?
> 
> This takes places during Roman's curse, but before the outset of the present-day story.

It was raining. 

Dorian hated the rain. He had to work harder to keep himself warm via magic. True, it would be easier to find shelter in his human form, but... 

He hated that more than he hated the rain, and was willing to deal with it. 

At the current moment, he was pressed up against a fallen tree, shielding himself from the worst of it. The wind howled through the trees. It was the middle of the day, and he'd usually be well into his strange, pseudo-sleep by now, but he was too miserable to relax properly. The one thing he had as a replacement for not sleeping, and he couldn't even do that. A shiver raked through him. The dead tree creaked and groaned at the sudden movement. 

"Whoa!" a voice cried, and something stepped on Dorian. 

His head snapped up, and he would have been quicker if his muscles weren't so stiff from the cold. 

A human man tumbled across the ground, getting mud all over his clothes. Not that it would matter much. He was all one color. His skin, hair, and clothes were all the same sandy beige. How odd. He didn't look too appetizing like that. 

The man looked up, his eyes going wide and a breathless, "Crikey..." escaping his mouth. 

Dorian watched him scrutinously. Mortals rarely came this deep into the forest during the day, hence the reason Dorian retreated here whenever the little prince was gone. Not to mention the raging storm ripping through the trees. Humans were truly insane. 

He shot to his feet, though he stayed in a sort of half crouch, holding out both his hands. "Stay back! Stay back!" He shouted and Dorian had to withhold a chuckle. Did this mortal really think he was in any sort of position to—

A twig snapped behind him and Dorian's head whipped back. A group of four other humans were approaching hurriedly, strange black boxes with shiny glass disks on the front sat on their shoulders. At the bland-colored man's words, they slowed to a stop, simply gaping at Dorian in various stages of terror. 

"Ay, look at me, mate. Right here. Ignore them. They'll stay right over there. It's just you and me," the bland man said, pointing between himself and Dorian.

Dorian slowly tore his gaze from the group of humans behind him and inspected the man once more. He spoke strangely. Certainly different from the little prince. Was he a foreigner of some kind?

Strangely enough, this idiotic mortal didn't look frightened in the least. "Ah, you're an absolute beauty, aren't ya?" he said, keeping his distance. Dorian flicked his tongue. The man's pulse was racing, though from fear or excitement, he couldn't tell. 

"Checking me out, are ya? Good, good. Don't worry, we won't muck with ya, but I reckon you aren't scared of me a bit, big as you are," he gushed. Dorian considered this human, his tongue flicking again. If it weren't for the storm, he would have sensed their approach long before they'd even seen him. Now, he was in a bit of a predicament. They seemed peaceful enough, but what if he tried to leave? Would they follow? Would they be stupid enough?

Testing his theory, Dorian began to move. The underbrush crackled and snapped as his immense weight slid across the ground. 

"Put the cameras away," the bland man said to his comrades, taking steps back to keep the same distance from Dorian. 

"But Steve, what—"

"Just do it, and _stay there,"_ he admonished them, stepping carefully after Doran through the forest. The other group began conversing worriedly. 

"Reckon you won't appreciate all those cameras in your face, big guy. Gee, you're beautiful," he breathed. "Absolutely gorgeous." 

Dorian continued through the trees. He contemplated winding up one for a moment, then thought better of stranding himself in a dead end while these pesky humans were trailing him. He couldn't help but think of Amaryllis as the man continued. For a long time, _she_ had been the only person to think he was beautiful. 

Apparently, this bland man wanted a spot on the list. 

He wasn't going to stop following him either, it seemed. 

"Awful cold out, for a snake," he commented, stepping over another log. Dorian slowed to a stop. "I'd ask if ya had a den or a burrow, but I reckon you're a bit too big for that, ay?"

Did all humans talk to _all_ beasts as if they would reply? The little prince certainly did, though Dorian hadn't actually spoken to him yet. Was it simply a human-thing? Or did both the little prince and this bland man somehow know he could speak? 

The man also seemed to take Dorian's appearance oddly well. Was he not struck dumb at the sight of a several ton serpent? 

"There's a cave just up the hill a ways. Passed it on the way in. You might like it there, nice and dry," he said, slowly inching closer to the end of Dorian's tail. He watched the man, not particularly worried or threatened, but curious as to how close the human was willing to get. He'd seemed comfortable up until now. 

"I'm betting your venomous, with that bright yellow color of yours," he said, reaching a hand out, but never taking his eyes off Dorian's head. 

_Actually,_ Dorian thought to himself, though he was tempted to speak, _I'm fairly certain it was the potion's doing._

His clothes were completely soaked through by this time, and his sandy hair was now a dark mud color, plastered across his forehead. Dorian watched as he slowly placed his hand on his tail, the human's palm barely bigger than a single scale.

"Crikey, Terri's never gonna believe me," he laughed, shaking his head. He looked up at Dorian one more time, a frankly idiotic smile painted across his face, then he let go and slowly made his way back to his group of friends. Dorian watched them for a long time, some of them gesturing angrily at the bland one, but the smile never left his face. 

Humans truly were strange creatures. 

**Author's Note:**

> no this is not canon. no i do not take criticism.


End file.
